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New Pro 15 LED Bivouac Camping Hiking Lantern Light Lamp Torch    US $.10

550 Cobra Weave Paracord Survival Bracelet Purple Purple Camo Made in the USA    US $8.99

550 Cobra Weave Paracord Survival Bracelet Royal Blue Blue Camo Made in the USA    US $8.99

Outdoor Camping Folding Tent 3 4 Person Lakeside Camping Folding Blue Yellow    US $46.99

Outdoor Camping Folding Tent 3 4 Person Lakeside Camping Folding Assorted Color    US $39.99

Outdoor Camping Folding One Living Room Hexagonal Folding Tent Yellow Or Blue    US $39.99

Outdoor Camping Tent 2 Person Folding Tent Yellow Waterproof Polyester 180T    US $35.99

Outdoor Camping Folding Tent 3 4 Person Automatic Folding Blue Yellow Green    US $63.99

PRO 15 LED Bivouac Camping Hiking Lantern Light    US $4.25

Outdoor Camping Folding Tent 2 Person Double Layer Waterproof Tent 210T 190T    US $63.99

Outdoor Camping Tent 2 Person 4 Season Single Layer Green Water Resistant    US $29.99

Leatherman Super Tool 300 Monarch 400 Holiday Special    US $54.99

New Blue Ice Fishing House Shelter Shanty 1 2 Persons Man 600D Oxford Fabric    US $109.99

550 Cobra Weave Paracord Survival Bracelet Black Yellow Made in the USA    US $8.99

550 Cobra Weave Paracord Survival Bracelet Black Harmony Made in the USA    US $8.99

550 Cobra Weave Paracord Survival Bracelet Green Yellow Made in the USA    US $8.99

550 Cobra Weave Paracord Survival Bracelet Red Yellow Made in the USA    US $8.99

550 Cobra Weave Paracord Survival Bracelet White Purple Camo Made in the USA    US $8.99

550 Cobra Weave Paracord Survival Bracelet Purple Grapevine Made in the USA    US $8.99

550 Cobra Weave Paracord Survival Bracelet White Royal Blue Made in the USA    US $8.99

550 Cobra Weave Paracord Survival Bracelet White Harmony Made in the USA    US $8.99

Brand New Eureka Timberline SQ Outfitter 4 tent Vestibule extra poles fly    US $122.50

New 6 LED Bivouac Camping Lantern Light Lamp Tent Fishing Torch    US $.10

New 12 LED Hand Up Dynamo Bivouac Camping Hiking Lantern Light Lamp Torch    US $12.49

NEW 16 LED Bivouac Camping Hiking Lantern Light Lamp Torch    US $.10

16 LED Bivouac Camping Hiking Lantern Light Lamp    US $5.49

New Blue Ice Fishing House Shelter Shanty 4 Persons Man 600D Oxford Fabric    US $139.99

NEW 16 LED Bivouac Camping Hiking Lantern Light Lamp    US $5.22

New 35 LED Bivouac Camping Hiking Lantern Light Lamp Torch    US $2.49

2012 KillZone Igloo 2X Ice Fishing Tent Hub Style Ice Shanty 6 8 Person 7L    US $244.99

Catoma Limbo II BRAND NEW w Extras REDUCED PRICE    US $298.98

35 LED Bivouac Camping Hiking Lantern Light Lamp    US $4.25

Pacific Crest Rainier 2 Backpacking Sport Tent Full Fly    US $49.95

Outdoor Camping Folding Tent 3 Person One Living Room Aluminum Green Orange    US $63.99

Outdoor Camping Folding Tent 2 Person Lakeside Folding Tent Assorted Colors    US $37.99

Coleman® Tent Fiber Glass Pole Repair Kit 79mm    US $9.99

Rim Tape Spoke Liner BIG SAVINGS Enough for 40 wheels Rim Strip SO MUCH MORE    US $5.95

Alabama Roll Tide Tuscaloosa Paracord Survival Strap Houndstooth Wristband BCS    US $9.99

Alabama Crimson Roll Tide Survival Strap Houndstooth Bracelet Wristband    US $9.99

Red Hat Society Inspired Survival Strap Paracord Bracelet Custom Sized Hatter    US $9.99

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Washing up liquid should do the trick. But then look what cleaning items they will sell in camping stores.

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ARMY IMPROVED COMBAT TENT ACU NEW ISSUE    US $150.00

Catoma Limbo II BRAND NEW w Extras REDUCED PRICE    US $298.98

Coleman® Tent Fiber Glass Pole Repair Kit 79mm    US $9.99

Emergancy Backpack Kit Outdoor Survival Camping Hiking    US $69.95

303 pc TARP TENT AWNING Repair GROMMET Install SET TOOL    US $14.99

2 Self Inflating Mattress Camping Sleeping Pad Pillow    US $39.99

ONeill Wet Suit Repair Superbond Neoprene 4fl oz    US $7.50

Eureka USMC Military 2 Person Combat Tent    US $122.50

REPAIR Sewing Awl For Awning Yacht Sails Leather Canvas Tent Bouncy Castle    US $18.97

Eureka Combat Tent 4 man 4 season Extreme Cold Weather    US $305.00

5 COLEMAN TENT REPAIR KIT BRAND NEW LOT OF 5    US $14.95

103pc Brass Grommet Install Tool Kit Canopy Pool Cover Tarp Tent Flag Repair NEW    US $9.94

Nemo Obi Elite 1P Tent    US $358.00

Two Handy Leather Emergency Survival Camping Sewing Kits Needles Heavy Thread    US $11.49

Coghlans Tent Pole Repair Kit    US $5.99

Escape Evade SurviveThe best survival kit at this $ ALL of your NUST HAVES    US $54.99

NEW EUREKA COMBAT TENT LIGHTWEIGHT EXTREME WEATHER LEWS 3 MAN CLASS 1    US $500.00

SAIL REPAIR Sewing Awl For Awning Yacht Leather Canvas    US $18.97

Grommet Replacement Kit 103pc Tarp grommet installation    US $9.99

550 paracord 10ft 25ft 50ft 100ft Fast Free Shipping    US $6.15

Pure Comfort Inflatable Waterproof Flock Top Camo Bed Queen Size    US $64.99

Tear Aid Type A Fabric Repair Kit See Thru Patch    US $8.95

Snugpak Scorpion 3 Tent NEW    US $289.00

50 Feet of Green Multi Purpose High Strength Nylon 550 Parachute Cord Thin Rope    US $3.58

SNUGPAK The Bunker Fast Pitch Tent NEW    US $279.95

Double Self Inflating Mattress Camping Sleeping Pad    US $37.99

Dye DM10 PGA Charge    US $715.00

NEW NWT MILITARY USGI DIGITAL ACU IMPROVED COMBAT TENT MADE BY ORC INDUSTRIES    US $199.00

26 Piece Survival Sewing Kit Includes Clothing Tent Repair Items    US $6.95

Gear Aids GORE TEX® Fabric Repair Kit Navy Blue    US $6.99

New Coleman Tent Canopy Repair Patch Kit Set Camping    US $7.29

550 Paracord Survival Bracelet Watch with Emergency Kit Woven In Blade Shackle    US $84.99

Yamaha Rhino Survival Kit keep this in your rig BE PREPARED    US $54.99

EAGLE SCOUT Boy Scout survival kit    US $54.99

Military Survival kit Pilots Snipers last ditch kit    US $54.99

Snowmobile accessories keep this in your snowmobile BE PREPARED    US $54.99

Camelback Blackhawk bag survival kit AS SEEN ON SURVIVOR SHOWS    US $54.99

Military Survival Kit Tactical Escape Evade AFFORDABLE    US $49.99

Rafting boating kayak SURVIVAL PACK MUST HAVE W YOU    US $59.99

Survival Kit Militaryhikerspilotoutdoor camping kit    US $54.99

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Well seeing as there probably won't be many folks attending your said first Michael O*Leary "annual knees up" you can pitch your tent in my garden and patch the holes up with the bicycle repair kit.

I've got loads of wellies, some of which make pairs, so there should be enough to go around. Not sure how useful the garden fork will be but maybe you can dig over the veg patch now all the spuds are out. I'll make jelly for us all and you provide the custard.

Just remember, never give up and when things get tough I get drunk, and then drunk some more, cures all ills